Husband or Slave
As a naturally dominant woman and member of an active Society of Female Supremacists I have often been approached to produce an article on the subject of training male slaves. Research has shown that there are a number of published works on the subject and these form excellent introductions but have tended to concentrate too much on the search for a slave and satisfying the needs of both partners in a relationship which could only loosely be described as Mistress and slave. They focus, in my opinion, on agreed limits and practices and sensual domination rather than extending the slave’s servitude and molding him into the slave required by the Mistress owner.
I have no interest in women who provide a service for submissive males on a casual albeit financial basis. Here the male is in control and sets the boundaries. Neither am I really interested in so called Domme / sub couples where ‘play’ sessions (Mistress and slave) are the order of the day.
My concern here is to provide some guidance and ideas for the woman who is a true lifestyle Dominant wishing to own and be served by a real male slave. I want to move from the consensual Dominant / submissive role play situation to the far more satisfying lifestyle Mistress/slave situation in which he, having freely entered into the relationship has given up his right to be treated as a normal human being and has no choice (for whatever reason) but to submit permanently and continuously to his Mistress as a real slave. It is what I describe as contracted non-consensual slavery.
Having a slave is like having an automatic dishwasher: set it up and make it do the work. It is there to serve your needs. If something is not working right take corrective action until it’s fixed.
From sales in my boutique and from talking to others in the trade it is clear that Female Domination of the male is on the increase. The demand for BDSM items and fetish outfits is at an all time high. Leather bras, panties, thongs and lots and lots of boots are literally flying off the shelves. Likewise bondage equipment like spreader bars, wrist and ankle cuffs, harnesses, collars, shackles, chains, stocks, bondage tables and whipping benches are selling faster than inventory can be maintained. When one looks at what is being sold it is clear that Female Domination is very much alive. Outfits and whips for women and CBT and chastity devices for men are leading the way in sales.
I am fortunate to know several female friends who now live in this happy state of affairs of owning a real slave. A few have enslaved their husbands and trained them to a life of domestic and sexual servitude. Others have advertised for partners making it clear from the start the nature of the relationship required. Each of these scenarios can lead to a successful and fulfilling lifestyle but it has to be said that some women have confided to me that being married initially to their slave has, at times, introduced conflict in the relationship. A wife considering enslaving her husband should not be put off however but should be aware that conflicting feelings on her part and that of the slave may occur and she should be ready to deal with him harshly when needed. The main problem seems to be whether she should view him as a husband or a slave. It is difficult to do both at the same time.
A husband is someone you love, care for and have concern for his feelings. A slave is someone you own who must serve and obey your every whim, accept your decisions and judgments in all things and whose opinions count for nothing. I have met a good number of couples who have this latter relationship and it is clearly very rewarding.
I must admit that I have a very sadistic side to me. Not only do I wish to be served by a slave who is compelled to submit totally to my desires but I like to inflict pain and see him suffer though I would never cause permanent harm as I look after my property well. If people don’t understand this behavior and think I hate the male creature, they would be wrong. Women who are true believers in Female Domination and Female Supremacy must love the male creature or we would not train them to be what we want them to be. We love them and we rule them and we make them serve like the inferior creatures they are.
I have on a number of occasions been criticized for being too severe, though not by any members of my group. I do not think anything contained in this article is severe or extreme but it is thorough and exacting. It is based on over twenty years of experience in dealing with the submissive male and represents, I think, an authoritative manual for success. I do not consider this an article for beginners but rather for those naturally dominant women who have already experienced the pleasures of being served by a slave but wish to take the relationship to new heights.
Throughout the article I refer to the Mistress/slave differential which basically refers to the ‘natural’ state of affairs where the woman is superior in the relationship and the man is inferior. I have been a lifestyle Mistress for just over ten years and my slave who is now fifty-five years old has been with me for all of them. My experience has taught me that most problems in genuine Mistress/slave relationships stem from the failure to maintain this Mistress/slave differential.
Obviously individual tastes and aspirations vary and I have written the article on the assumption that the reader wishes to be served by a male who is totally subjugated by his Mistress to the extent of real lifetime slavery, 24/7/365.
To achieve this in such a relationship it is vital that the Mistress/slave differential is maintained 24/7/365. There must be no situations where the slave is or can consider himself the equal of his Mistress and I have to say it, though some Mistresses may not like it, that if these occur it is invariably the fault of the Mistress.
This has nothing to do with the idea that must be ingrained in the slave’s head that his Mistress cannot be wrong. For him that is obviously true. It is a word of advice for Mistresses seeking the services of a true slave; as close to the notion of slavery in times past as one can get.
From my experience the best age for a slave is between about 40 and 60. Under the age of 40 males slaves tend to be immature, insecure and see the relationship with a Mistress as some kind of fantasy game. In the middle years a truly submissive male who has found himself and knows what he wants and what he is will make a superb slave once properly trained. One Mistress Friend of mine has a slave of 70 who has served her for nearly 40 years. He serves her now as well as he did 20 years ago and she treats him as harshly as ever.
Here is the second preview chapter of my article “Owning and Training a Male Slave”. The next chapter will follow in a few days time.
In this chapter we cover the subject of consent.
I have used the terms consensual and non-consensual slavery and it requires me to give some explanation of these.
A consensual slave is one who has agreed to serve his Mistress as a slave. Possibly a contract will have been signed and limits agreed. However it is open to the slave to decide what he will and will not do. Thus he is in fact ultimately in control of the situation and his Mistress can only do what he will allow. He may at times question the actions of his Mistress, become surly or behave in a grudging manner. He may argue and show disrespect. All of these traits are not what a Mistress wants to see in a slave.
He could decide to withdraw from the relationship in which case he might at worst loose his partner. But that would be the sum total of the consequences. The Mistress may well feel restrained or restricted in what she can or cannot do, how far she can go etc, wondering if her slave will draw a line or show dissent. A friend of mine had a situation where she required her slave to eat his meals after he had served her and cleared the table. He moaned about his food being cold. I had to ask her whether he was a slave or not. What does he expect? My slave would not dare to show the slightest dissent. His food is often cold; so what? “He gets food doesn’t he?” I replied. “Cold food is just as nourishing as hot food.” She agreed but went off into a sort of sob story about keeping him happy, pandering to his wishes. I think I set her straight but it is typical of the problems a Mistress can encounter with this consensual slave relationship.
A non-consensual slave is one who has given up or otherwise lost all his rights completely and serves because he realizes that he in fact has no choice. For this to work there has to be an element of compulsion so that the slave serves as an abject and total slave because he would not like to suffer the consequences of not doing so. In times past the consequences were all too obvious because slavery was perfectly legal and any escaped slave would be hunted down and punished. He might even loose his life. Perhaps one might think that non-consensual slavery in these present times is therefore unachievable and would be illegal. Well let me assure you that it is neither.
For the submissive male the mental image of being a non-consensual slave is extremely powerful. It shakes him to the core and unlocks his desire to submit to the superior Female. The wife that society proclaims to be the weaker partner rules the submissive husband, controls the submissive husband, enslaves the submissive husband and humiliates the submissive husband. She ascends in power and authority while the husband sinks to new and greater depths of submission. This signals that the Mistress of such a slave is not only superior to the male but she is far superior. She will not only rule but she will crush the male so he can never rule again.
There are fifteen women in our group, seven have slave husbands and eight have slaves they are not married to. Of the fifteen, thirteen are now in the happy and rewarding situation of owning a non-consensual slave. Some relationships started as consensual and progressed to the non-consensual whilst others were non-consensual from the start. Strangely enough the division does not tally exactly with those who are married and those who are not.
So how do we impose the element of compulsion and is it really legal?
What we have done in our group is to explain to the slave that if he agrees to move from one situation to the other there will be no backing out, there will be no rights for the slave and his servitude will be as near to old fashioned legal slavery as one can get. Once the slave has agreed to the change his Mistress will insist on absolute slavery on pain of public exposure, humiliation and the possibility of ruin (black male).
We have collected together evidence of the slave’s private servitude; revealing personal photographs and potentially damaging material and informed him that if he ever changes his mind about the situation henceforth then that evidence will be made public. This will be done by posting a profile of the slave with full details of his name, age, location, photos etc. on a gay male BDSM sites (there are many on the internet). Few men would want to face the appearance, of a photograph of him kneeling naked in a collar and chastity belt while sucking a penis, with whip marks all over his chest, on a gay slave site. You can believe it.
This information could be viewed by anyone and the beauty of it is that the slave would never know who had seen his profile. Even if the Mistress told him which site/s she had used he could do nothing about it without the login details. This perceived threat of public humiliation has proved to be a very effective tool in creating the conditions of non-consensual slavery as the idea of being exposed as gay (let alone as a gay sex slave) is quite abhorrent to the heterosexual male. I don’t think any slave of mine would want his personal secrets so displayed for anyone to see.
And of course it is not going to expose anything about the Mistress. She can deny all knowledge of her husband’s clandestine activities. Why should she know about them? But the slave would be left wondering if anyone has recognized him. She could even use it as a device to encourage more effort saying “I have posted your profile and if you want it removed you will have to demonstrate a vast improvement”. And of course she may not even have done it at all.
We have also discovered that the age old practice of castrating the male slave just not keeps him around the home but also helps him better understand that his Mistress owns him body and soul. The slave also learns that any desire for his own sexual pleasure is no longer a question for him to consider … allowing him to devote his full attention to the needs of his Mistress.
We have thirteen non-consensual slaves in our group and during the past ten years only one has decided he wanted out. Well he got his wish but he lost his job and finally had to move away from the area. The humiliation was too great. It was a very salutary lesson for the remainder of the slaves in the group and since then there have been no dissenters. The Mistress concerned has a new slave.
For a married Mistress wanting to proceed along these lines I suggest the following course of action:
With the slave on his knees in front of you talk quietly about what you want and the change you want to make. Point out calmly that you are not satisfied with the current situation and his level of servitude. Explain the concept of non-consensual slavery to him emphasizing that, if he agrees, then his freedom of choice disappears. In the future he will have to serve and obey because he will be compelled to. There must be no dissent in the future and his ultimate right of veto will be taken away.
Phrase the question so: “It cannot be right that you as the slave have the right to determine what I can and cannot do can it?” ”It cannot be right that I, as Mistress cannot be sure that you will obey can it?” Be quiet, calm but firm.
If he is any sort of a slave he will inevitably reply “no Mistress.”
Tell him that you feel that the move would strengthen your relationship as conflict and doubt would be forever removed. Explain that, once agreed, he cannot go back on the decision as it will be enforced by the threat of something which will cause him considerable embarrassment and which he will definitely not like.
Say to him “you do want to be a real slave, don’t you?”
Explain that this threat is necessary to ensure his behavior as a real slave.
It is unlikely that he will agree straight away so you can give him as long as you like but impress upon him that you are very serious about the change you want. If he needs persuading you can say that he should do it to show how much he loves you. After all there is no better way for a submissive man to demonstrate his love for his dominant wife than to submit as a non-consensual and castrated slave.
If and when he agrees your mood should change. You should now be firm with him, curt with your orders, much more demanding of his servility and uncompromising in what you accept. He needs to see a change in your expectations of his subjugation.
Later you can tell him what will happen if he ever wishes to backtrack and take back his former rights of veto. One might ask if it is wise or legal to apply such pressures to one’s slave. The answer is quite definitely yes.
1. When the slave gives up his former “rights” in the consensual relationship he freely enters into the non-consensual one knowing precisely what would happen.
2. If the Mistress ever had a need to carry out the threat she would only be exposing the truth. The evidence is there for all to see.
3. No male will ever complain about the perceived threat before it was applied as this would expose him and no-one would believe him anyway.
4. If the threat were applied there would be no sympathy for the slave at all. In fact he would become just a figure of ridicule.
What are the advantages of such a relationship?
1. There will be a dramatic improvement in the slave’s servitude concurrent with the realization in his own mind that he now does not have any choices.
2. Any doubts on the part of the Mistress concerning the slave’s reaction to her imposed regime will melt away. The Mistress will be free to pursue the lifestyle she wants and experience the power rush associated with owning and being served by a real slave without the nagging fear that he may dissent, not obey and leave.
I can understand some married women’s concerns about this but if you are unable to adopt these tactics then I must say that you will never be served by a true slave in a situation where you are totally in charge. You could perhaps consider withdrawing his permission to do something he really likes doing, Playing golf say but this does not have the element of compulsion that the other two have because it will not humiliate the slave. He could simply not accept it. You could say you will divorce him if he does not agree to a non-consensual relationship and find a slave who will but this rather defeats the object if you love him.
No, the only way to get the slave husband to become a true non-consensual slave is to adopt a strategy similar to the one described. From my experience if he is a true submissive he will serve you well and love you even more with the added incentive of apprehension at what you might do if he dissents.
I have labored this point deliberately because it is upon this premise that this article and my lifestyle are based. I see no point whatsoever in a consensual Mistress/slave relationship. Where the question of “Who is, in reality, in charge?” It is, if you think about it, merely playing, a sham.
Here is the third and final preview chapter from my article “Owning and Training a Male Slave.” In this chapter I cover the decision process for a female dominant.
Once she has made the change to a non-consensual relationship a Mistress will never look back. She will have total power exchange for real. She will no longer wonder if her slave will obey, accept a beating or argue. She will know that he submits and complies because he has to and he will know that as well. Some married women have expressed fears that “inflicting” these conditions on their husbands will be a step too far. My experience over the years has shown that exactly the opposite is the case. The husband is obviously submissive and desires to be a slave. All that has happened is that he is now even more a slave than previous; the possibly corrosive element in the relationship (his ability to control things) has been totally removed.
Since I gave up acting like a professional Domme and adopted the lifestyle for real I have known very few lifestyle slaves who, when faced with the choice, did not accept the non-consensual status and only one who, having agreed to it, later backtracked. That is not to say that the slave is always happy being forced to serve in this way. He will certainly not be and why should he be? That is the very essence of slavery. But if he is a true submissive the element of compulsion will be a powerful motivator in his search for true slavery and deep down his fervent desire to submit to the women he loves will consume him and the idea that he has any sort of control will disappear. There are no risks associated with this strategy because fundamentally it is what both Domme and slave desire and all of the married Mistress/slave couples I know who have embraced this change in their relationship have reported a strengthening of the love between them.
Obviously it is a decision that must not be entered into lightly without considerable thought on the part of the Mistress and the slave but the rewards are momentous. It is quite amazing the change that overtakes a slave once he realizes that in reality he has no choice but to serve with perfection and obey absolutely his Mistress or suffer extremely humiliating consequences. The change for the Mistress is equally momentous but not at all surprising. The feeling of absolute and unquestionable power is totally addictive and something which, once experienced, she will not want to give up. The one question remains and that is whether the Mistress really wants to effect the change which brings me back to the first question in the article. Is he a husband or a slave?
And here is the reason why I would never marry a slave; I have no wish to be faced with the dilemma described above. In my view a male is an inferior being who is fit only to grace my presence as a full and abject non-consensual slave. It is clearly much more difficult for the Mistress who is married to move from the consensual Mistress/slave relationship to the non-consensual one.
There are all sorts of conflicting feelings particularly if she has been married to her slave for some time. All I can say it that the rewards are tremendous and if she doesn’t take that step (change) she will never feel that she owns and is served by a real slave who serves because he must and she will never experience that “power rush” of total control.
Six out of our seven married group members have made the change and they are all delighted with the “new woman” found within themselves and the new found subservience of their slaves. As a final thought only the Mistress knows whether she would actually carry out the threat she has imposed but for the slave the threat is sufficient and real enough.
From this point forward I will assume that the reader has moved or wishes to move from the consensual to the non-consensual state. If not she may well consider that what follows is too extreme for her. All of my experience tells me that it is not in the least extreme but is the natural consequence of a true non-consensual Mistress/slave relationship.
Throughout the article there are times when I use the word never. This is not because I wish to dictate how a Mistress should run her life. It is because over the years I have identified certain points in a slave’s training or certain conditions of his servitude that will lead to problems if the guidelines here are not adhered to and from time to time in each section I shall attempt to describe what these might be.
I have included a number of lines within each section entitled “my slave” where I explain how the situation described has been applied to my own personal slave. This is not meant to imply that these rules must be followed to the letter for a successful Mistress/slave relationship but rather to set the ideas in a practical context and help with training ideas.
An ad placed in several magazines brought me a flood of applicants and it took many months to sort the wheat from the chaff as it were. There were the usual wannabees setting out in detail what I could do to them. These went straight in the bin. After extensive sorting I narrowed it down to a shortlist of five and interviewed each of them for several hours over a period of a week. I introduced them to my ways of thinking, my rules, my expectations and my whips and canes and I questioned them closely about their desires and their understanding of slavery.
It was interesting to see the reaction to the question as to whether, having been collared and having signed a slave contract they would give up their rights entirely and become a non-consensual slave backed up by the threat of public exposure and humiliation if they ever backtracked. I made it perfectly clear that this was a non-negotiable condition. Those who agreed immediately were dismissed as this is a really momentous consideration and could not be made on the spot; (More wannabees). One guy particularly impressed me. When presented with this question he enquired further about the conditions I required and asked for a few days to think about it. I agreed and it took him three days before he was back at my feet. He came to live with me for a one month trial after which, I made it clear, he could back out or submit totally. At the end of that month I was not in the least bit surprised when he crawled across the floor, kissed my feet, begged permission to speak and agreed to all of my conditions.
I had him pierced, ringed, and tattooed. Fitted him with manacles chains and a chastity device and took numerous photographs. Later that week I showed him the portfolio of pictures and stated what would happen if he ever decided he wanted out. I could see that he was somewhat shaken by the realization of what he had done. For several minutes he knelt in silence. I still had doubts about what he would do. Then he bowed his head to the floor, crawled to kiss my boots and prostrated himself at my feet. I knew then that I had my slave.
He moved in immediately a week later he was lying tied and gagged on my surgical table while I cut his testicles from him.
A month later gave up his job. He has served me now for over 15 years. I have only occasionally had to remind him of the conditions of his servitude and he understands well enough to know I would carry out my promise to him, if he ever faltered, just as quickly now as I would have done 15 years ago.
Mistress Debbie Cook